Thursday, 1 September 2011

Dear all at Aardman

I have this fantastic idea around cheese. I wondered if you would be interested in hearing about it.

It is grate (sorry for the pun)


Author of guardianwork

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Friday, 29 July 2011

Dear Madam/Sir

I read with pleasure your competition to win a family ticket to the Gillingham and Shaftesbury show.

Firstly, the answer to your question is the 17th of August. I only knew that because you had written it in the advert. If need be, I can recite PI to 27 digits to prove my worthiness to win your prize.

Secondly, I do not have a family; does this discount me from winning? We do have a cat, called Basket and a dog called Minnie, but I am concerned that they will not get on with the cows pictured in your advert. I can put Minnie on a lead but she does bark a lot.

She does like a dentistick, which might stop her from barking at the cows. Instead of the VIP lunch, could I replace it with a bag of dentistix, and a tuna and mayonnaise sandwich for my partner? I am not fussed about eating, so a bag of cheese and onion crisps, and a Daim bar would be good enough for me.

Anyway, I hope you are all well. To be fair, I am not. I had an operation recently, and it is a bit sore.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Saturday 20th February 2010

I have given this project a bit of a wide berth for a while, mainly because I could see the financial situation was not good. One competition in, and I am already £112.00 down. 86 Counties later and that works out at, well, a lot.

Yesterday, however, I spotted an opportunity to move into the black.

Debenhams in Gloucester were hosting a wedding event. They were offering the opportunity to win £250 as a spending spree.

A couple of problems that I could spot:

1. I am not planning a wedding.

2. I am single.

3. Both 1 and 2

The more astute of you will have noticed that for the bowls event, I had a partner. Well the situation has moved on. I have now moved back in with my parents in Gloucestershire. It really is true, they turn the lights off at Newbury. The countryside is so dark.

So for the chance to win £250 pounds, all I had to do was to fill in the coupon, and hand it in to a member of staff in Debenhams. Yes, I am not planning to get married, but why should single people be excluded from the competition?

And so I filled it in, in green ink.

Now the bowls event warranted a card, a greetings card. So why should the rural Gloucestershire competition be any different? I couldn’t just hand it in as they suggested to any member of staff. No, this was going to need some thought.

I took my mind back to Thoki Yen. P G Woodhouse style, I will update the newcomers on this analogy. Thoki Yen was a grand master at Origami. Origami was the way forward for my entry into this competition.


They are romantic aren’t they?

I looked up how to make a swan in origami…

This is written so parents can read the instructions while kids fold...
but don't read aloud! Just use the written instructions to give some pointers if necessary. Pictures are sometimes enough by themselves.

Origami for Beginners: The Swan

And so I began.

I folded the paper as if a parent was reading the instructions to me. Eventually, I had a swan:

There it is.

I bought a card from my parents shop, £1.30, and I popped the swan inside with a little message:

I delivered it to Debenhams in Gloucester by hand.

Sunday, 3 May 2009

Sunday 3rd May 2009

So, about this bowls event.

It was with trepidation that I went to Southend Victoria train station at 9.00 a.m. to embark on my journey.

£39.30 for a return ticket to Great Yarmouth, not a great start.

The Ticket Seller advised me that I should have booked in advance, as it would only been about six quid. Well this was all a bit last minute. Change at Liverpool Street, Norwich, and finally I arrive at Great Yarmouth train station.

Now, Great Yarmouth has a particular place in my heart. I once broke my wrist whilst trying to ride a mini-motorbike on Big Jim’s farm. I ended up in the A & E department of Yarmouth Hospital, where they adorned my arm with a rather fetching blue plaster cast. I regaled the taxi driver with this story as we drove away from the station.

“Well we’ll be driving right past Yarmouth Hospital on the way to Potters. See there it is”

Memories, memories.

So, I arrived at Potters Leisure resort, £14.00 for the cab.

It was now around 3 p.m. 7 hours of traveling. I therefore decided that it would be better for me to stay the evening. I went to the reception to pick up the winning tickets, as agreed with Libby. I had already missed the morning session of bowls, but that could not be helped. There they were, two tickets for Mr Carpenter. I enquired if I could book a room for the evening, which seemed to throw them a bit. Yes, I did only want to stay the one night. Most people at Potters tend to stay for at least a fortnight. Anyway, it was ascertained that I could have a bungalow overlooking the sea for £70.34.

I don’t know either.

So in sum, 36p for the stamp, £39.30 for the train, £14 for the cab, and £70.34 for the bungalow, a grand total of £124.00. I looked the price of the tickets up on the internet, £6.00 each, and so I am £112.00 down.

When they gave me my key for the room, it came with complementary tickets to the bowls. Hmmm…


Friday, 24 April 2009

Friday 24th April 2009

I received a text message from Big Jim yesterday. Apparently things have gone a little awry, and he will be unable to make it to the bowls. Oh well.

So today is the day.