Dear Madam/Sir

I read with pleasure your competition to win a family ticket to the Gillingham and Shaftesbury show.

Firstly, the answer to your question is the 17th of August. I only knew that because you had written it in the advert. If need be, I can recite PI to 27 digits to prove my worthiness to win your prize.

Secondly, I do not have a family; does this discount me from winning? We do have a cat, called Basket and a dog called Minnie, but I am concerned that they will not get on with the cows pictured in your advert. I can put Minnie on a lead but she does bark a lot.

She does like a dentistick, which might stop her from barking at the cows. Instead of the VIP lunch, could I replace it with a bag of dentistix, and a tuna and mayonnaise sandwich for my partner? I am not fussed about eating, so a bag of cheese and onion crisps, and a Daim bar would be good enough for me.

Anyway, I hope you are all well. To be fair, I am not. I had an operation recently, and it is a bit sore.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter